I missed my grandmother more than I ever thought I would over this past year. More often than not I thought about her on an almost daily basis. While I had love and respect for her when I knew she was just a phone call away it wasn’t until she was gone that I realized my reverence for her. Apart from my parents, I know my deep-rooted inner strength (which some might classify as stubbornness) comes from her. My very high tolerance for pain derives from her as well. In my 20’s I looked at these attributes as a great blessing as I could quickly move on from heartache and grief. In my early 40’s this is a trait, which I constantly battle to overcome as grieving is a process not a sprint. However, the ever-present spirit of tenacity gave me the courage to be who I am today as well as make a stand when I thought necessary (sometimes, stupidly and sometimes, not).
She cleverly ingrained tradition into our family without so much as a whisper. This is an element I am eternally grateful for. While all family pasts are marred with things we wish were never there, there is something about being able to focus on tradition that refines the rough edges of those disconcerting bygones. Coming around the table as a family during the holidays helped realign my focus when life seemed unruly.
Her benevolence is a legacy that I am trying to integrate into my daily life. She was a giver in every sense of the word. Rarely did she ever do or take time for herself, as there was always someone that needed her kind words, home cooked meals & treats and “just a few dollars for your pocket”. She helped my grandfather age with grace and dignity until his dying day. No matter what youthful or rebellious phase I entered she was stern but loving in reaffirming that the love of family was the tie that binds.
We are not without our faults and neither was she but I hope that when I am remembered it is with loving fondness of a life well lived and caring heart that never ceased.
Happy Birthday Gram! I love you.